"Linux: Fast Pane Relief"
   -- from a Slashdot post

Boston Software Party Written by James Baughn on November 21, 2009 from the another-excuse-to-bash-microsoft dept. BOSTON, MA -- Thousands of disgruntled Linux revolutionaries showed up at the Boston Harbor today to protest "taxation without representation" by the oppressive Microsoft Corporation. Thousands of pounds of Microsoft boxes, CD-ROMs, manuals, license agreements, promotional materials, and registration forms were dumped into the harbor during the First Annual Boston Software Party. Read more... South Dakota City Changes Name To 'Linux' Written by James Baughn on November 21, 2009 from the stuff-to-laugh-at dept. The South Dakota town of Linn announced yesterday that it will be henceforth called 'Linux'. Mayor Johanna Summerfield said, "Linn needed something to put it on the map. A few weeks ago my daughter mentioned that she installed Linux on her computer and how great she thought it was. I thought to myself, 'Self, changing the town's name to 'Linux' could be an opportunity to attract attention -- and money -- to our town. We could even hold a Linux Convention at the community center.' So I approached the city council about the idea, and they loved it. The rest is history." Read more... Ask Humorix: Printer Fire Written by Robert G. Werner on November 21, 2009 from the another-lame-humor-article dept. Thad Schlobohm writes, "I just installed Linux on a new computer. Everything appears to be working okay, except for one problem. I keep getting these strange "lp1 on fire" errors from the Linux kernel. What exactly does this mean? Should I buy a sprinkler system for my computer room?" Read more... It's Too Late -- The Lawyerclsym Is Here Written by Jon Splatz, Humorix Pundit and Social Commentator, on November 21, 2009 from the The-End-Is-Near dept. Lawyers are slowing but steadily conquering the world.Big settlements involving $500 million claims will only become more common as the Lawyercrats seize more power.Big settlements involving $500 million claims will only become more common as the Lawyercrats seize more power.If the Founding Fathers of the US saw what is happening today in the so-called "Justice" system, they would be appalled.Attorneys are the middle-men of society, skimming off a percentage of each transaction. Read more... Linux Infiltrates Windows 2000 Demo Written by James Baughn on November 20, 2009 from the stuff-to-read dept. SILICON VALLEY, CA -- Attendees at the Microsoft ActiveDemo Conference held this week in San Jose were greeted by a pleasant surprise yesterday: Linux. Somehow a group of Linux enthusiasts were able to replace the Windows machine with a Linux box right before an "ActiveDemo" of Windows 2000. "I have no clue how they were able to pull off this prank," a Microserf spokesman said. "Rest assured, Microsoft will do everything to investigate and prosecute the Linux communists who did this. Our bottom line must be protected." Read more... Evolution Of A Linux User Written by James Baughn on November 20, 2009 from the more-fake-news dept. During the past year, the scientists in Humorix's Vast Research Lab Of Doom have studied the behavior and attitude of the typical Windows and Linux user. They have found that the average Linux user goes through ten stages of development from a "Microserf" to an "Enlightened Linux User". An eleventh stage, "Getting A Life", has also been observed, but only on extremely rare occasions. Read more... Invasion of the Dancing Penguin Written by Robert G. Werner on November 21, 2009 from the stuff-to-laugh-at dept. Those annoying, dancing cartoon characters embedded in software applications are no longer confined to Microsoft programs. They have entered the realm of Linux. A new Linux distribution under development, called LinTux, promises to provide a more "user-friendly" environment through its "Dancing Penguin" assistant. Read more... Ask Humorix: Printer Fire Written by James Baughn on November 20, 2009 from the more-fake-news dept. Edna Pletcher writes, "I just installed Linux on a new computer. Everything appears to be working okay, except for one problem. I keep getting these strange "lp1 on fire" errors from the Linux kernel. What exactly does this mean? Should I buy a sprinkler system for my computer room?" Read more... Microsoft Fights Linux -- By Contributing Kernel Patches Written by Robert G. Werner on November 21, 2009 from the insert-lame-dept-name-here dept. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em... and then destory 'em. That seems to be the new Microsoft strategy for dealing with Linux. Instead of fighting a FUD or patent war, Microsoft operatives are doing something totally out of character: they are contributing patches for the Linux kernel and other programs. It's all part of a massive denial of service attack against Linus Torvalds designed to bring kernel development to a standstill. By sending over 10,000 patches per minute by email to Linus and other top kernel hackers, Microsoft has exposed Linux's Achilles heel. Read more... Invasion of the Dancing Penguin Written by James Baughn on November 20, 2009 from the my-kingdom-for-a-funny-dept-name! dept. Those annoying, dancing cartoon characters embedded in software applications are no longer confined to Microsoft programs. They have entered the realm of Linux. A new Linux distribution under development, called LinTux, promises to provide a more "user-friendly" environment through its "Dancing Penguin" assistant. Read more... Will Silicon Valley Become A Ghost Town? Written by Robert G. Werner on November 21, 2009 from the another-excuse-to-bash-microsoft dept. Back in the 80s, businessmen hoped that computers would usher in a paperless office. Now in the 00s, businessmen are hoping that paper will usher in a computerless office. "We've lost more productivity this last decade to shoddy software," explained Mr. Lou Dight, the author of the bestselling book, "The Dotless Revolution". "By getting rid of computers and their infernal crashes, bluescreens, and worst of all, Solitaire, the US gross domestic product will soar by 21% over the next decade. It's time to banish Microsoft crapware from our corporate offices." Read more... Microsoft Fights Linux -- By Contributing Kernel Patches Written by Robert G. Werner on November 20, 2009 from the another-lame-humor-article dept. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em... and then destory 'em. That seems to be the new Microsoft strategy for dealing with Linux. Instead of fighting a FUD or patent war, Microsoft operatives are doing something totally out of character: they are contributing patches for the Linux kernel and other programs. It's all part of a massive denial of service attack against Linus Torvalds designed to bring kernel development to a standstill. By sending over 40,000 patches per minute by email to Linus and other top kernel hackers, Microsoft has exposed Linux's Achilles heel. Read more...

What is this? Humorix shows the lighter side of Linux, the open source operating system everyone and their brother are talking about. Jokes about Slashdot, Microsoft, and Tux Penguin are thrown in for good measure. See the About page for details. The fake news articles that appear here have been written by James Baughn or various contributors. If you would like to contribute a funny article, send it in! Past Articles November 2009 - Ask Humorix: Polite Flaming - Geek Grok 2009 Telethon - Increased Electricity Consumption Blamed on Linux - Ask Humorix: Printer Fire - The Socioeconomic Group Formerly Known As "Geeks" - Tux Penguin Beanie Baby Sales Skyrocket - The GPL Is Not Y2K-Compliant! - The GPL Is Not Y2K-Compliant! - 'Kitchen Sink' OS Announced - The Linux House 1.05 - Look Out! It's Microsoft Outlook! - Microsoft Conspiracy Theories - Look Out! It's Microsoft Outlook! - Ask Humorix: Polite Flaming - 'Kitchen Sink' OS Announced Mailing List Join the Humorix Mailing List and receive the latest updates by mail. To subscribe, send a message to majordomo@mail.nl.linux.org with "subscribe humorix" in the body. Join the Vast Spy Network(tm) We don't let just anyone become an international Linux spy... we only let in people who pay US$14 for a Humorix T-shirt. Humorix Syndication Network(tm) The latest Humorix headlines are broadcasted to the my.userland.com and my.netscape.com portals, among others. You can also syndicate Humorix on your own website; see the About page for details. Slogans & One-liners Visit Humorix's collection of Linux and Microsoft slogans, one-liners, and quotes, such as Microsoft Zen - Become one with the blue screen. You can also download a fortune file containing these slogans along with a selection of condensed Humorix articles and brief Microsoft jokes. Humorix Button Netscape 4.x has a bunch of toolbar buttons that are rarely used. By hacking the .Xdefaults file, it's possible to transform the 'Home' or 'Shop' buttons into a convenient 'Humorix' button. Find out how. Other Humor A selection of humor on other sites: - Microsoft Pie - Loser Friendly - Microsoft Apps Ship With Trigger Locks - Linux Distros Surpass Users - You might be a Linux redneck if... - Slashdot Sigs - Microsoft's plans for penalties - NatesWinEmu Linux Webring Join the rapidly expanding Linux Webring or travel to: - the previous page - the next page - the index page - the statistics page - a random page Humorix Reruns The major TV networks don't seem to have a problem with broadcasting 50% repeated material, so we're taking advantage of this marketing scheme by showcasing some of our "classic" Humorix articles, including: The Ask Humorix series Grok the Humorix Oracle's distilled wisdom on such matters as Portal Mania, Pyromaniac Daemons, Linux Business Opportunities, Clueless Pundits, Do-It-Yourself IPOs, Segmentation Faults, and Founding a LUG. Operation Desert Slash The US military puts everybody's favorite Denial Of Service Attack to work against unfriendly nations.