"Linux - It is now safe to turn on your computer."
   -- from a Slashdot post

DeCSS T-Shirt Used To Commit Piracy! Written by James Baughn on November 20, 2009 from the insert-lame-dept-name-here dept. College student Cody Potter stunned the world yesterday when he used a T-shirt with the printed DeCSS source code to illegally copy a DVD of "Star Trek XXI: We Promise This Is The Last One". Well, it wasn't the actual DeCSS source code. The shirt contained a Perl script which spits out a bash shell script which produces a GW-BASIC program which outputs a ROT13-encoded Python script that manufactures a Pig-Latin-encoded Java program that finally produces the real DeCSS C source code when executed. Read more... Linux Infiltrates Windows 2000 Demo Written by Rory DuPlessis on November 20, 2009 from the stuff-to-laugh-at dept. SILICON VALLEY, CA -- Attendees at the Microsoft ActiveDemo Conference held this week in San Jose were greeted by a pleasant surprise yesterday: Linux. Somehow a group of Linux enthusiasts were able to replace the Windows machine with a Linux box right before an "ActiveDemo" of Windows 2000. "I have no clue how they were able to pull off this prank," a Microserf spokesman said. "Rest assured, Microsoft will do everything to investigate and prosecute the Linux zealots who did this. Our bottom line must be protected." Read more... Invasion of the Dancing Penguin Written by Dave Finton on November 22, 2009 from the stuff-to-laugh-at dept. Those annoying, dancing cartoon characters embedded in software applications are no longer confined to Microsoft programs. They have entered the realm of Linux. A new Linux distribution under development, called LinTux, promises to provide a more "user-friendly" environment through its "Dancing Penguin" assistant. Read more... Is Windows Antique? Written by James Baughn on November 22, 2009 from the stuff-to-read dept. SILICON VALLEY -- The first ever antique mall devoted to computers has opened its doors deep in the heart of Silicon Valley. Named "Stacks of Antiqueues", the new mall features obsolete hardware, old software, and other curiosities that only a nerd would want to buy. The mall also features a whole collection of Microsoft software, which, as can be expected, has the Redmond giant up in arms. Read more... Microsoft Fights Linux -- By Contributing Kernel Patches Written by James Baughn on November 21, 2009 from the more-filler-material dept. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em... and then destory 'em. That seems to be the new Microsoft strategy for dealing with Linux. Instead of fighting a FUD or patent war, Microsoft operatives are doing something totally out of character: they are contributing patches for the Linux kernel and other programs. It's all part of a massive denial of service attack against Linus Torvalds designed to bring kernel development to a standstill. By sending over 10,000 patches per minute by email to Linus and other top kernel hackers, Microsoft has exposed Linux's Achilles heel. Read more... Security Holes Found In Microsoft Easter Eggs Written by James Baughn on November 22, 2009 from the another-lame-humor-article dept. REDMOND, WA -- It's damage control time for the Microsoft Marketing Machine. Not only have exploits been found in IE, Outlook, and even the Dancing Paper Clip, but now holes have been uncovered in Excel's Flight Simulator and Word's pinball game. Read more... Linux Infiltrates Windows 2000 Demo Written by James Baughn on November 21, 2009 from the stuff-to-read dept. SILICON VALLEY, CA -- Attendees at the Microsoft ActiveDemo Conference held this week in San Jose were greeted by a pleasant surprise yesterday: Linux. Somehow a group of Linux enthusiasts were able to replace the Windows machine with a Linux box right before an "ActiveDemo" of Windows 2000. "I have no clue how they were able to pull off this prank," a Microserf spokesman said. "Rest assured, Microsoft will do everything to investigate and prosecute the Linux communists who did this. Our bottom line must be protected." Read more... Microsoft Acquires Nothing Written by Bernhard Rosenkraenzer on November 22, 2009 from the my-kingdom-for-a-funny-dept-name! dept. REDMOND, WA -- In an unprecedented move, Microsoft refrained from acquiring any rival companies for a full week. "I can't believe it," one industry analyst noted. "This is the first time in years that I haven't read any headlines about Microsoft acquiring something." Read more... Security Holes Found In Microsoft Easter Eggs Written by James Baughn on November 22, 2009 from the stuff-to-laugh-at dept. REDMOND, WA -- It's damage control time for the Microsoft Marketing Machine. Not only have exploits been found in IE, Outlook, and even the Dancing Paper Clip, but now holes have been uncovered in Excel's Flight Simulator and Word's pinball game. Read more... Elite Nerds Create Linux Distro From Hell Written by James Baughn on November 20, 2009 from the more-filler-material dept. HELL, MICHIGAN -- A group of long-time Linux zealots and newbie haters have thrown together a new Linux distro called Hellix that is so user-hostile, so anti-newbie, so cryptic, and so old-fashioned that it actually makes MS-DOS look like a real operating system. Said the founder of the project, "I'm sick and tired of the Windowsification of the Linux desktop in a fruitless attempt to make the system more appealing to newbies, PHBs, and MCSEs. Linux has always been for nerds only, and we want to make sure it stays that way!" Read more... Open Source Beer Revolution Written by Dave Finton on November 20, 2009 from the more-fake-news dept. Yesterday, Red Hat introduced an 'open source' beer called Red Brew. The recipes for making the beer are available for free over the Net, and microbrewery kits are available at low cost from Red Hat. Says a Red Hat spokesman, "With the proliferation of free (open source) software, it was only a matter of time before open source beer became reality. After all, the only thing hackers like more than free software is free beer!" Read more... BSOD Simulator Written by James Baughn on November 21, 2009 from the stuff-to-laugh-at dept. Users of Red Hat 9.0 are discovering a new feature that hasn't been widely advertised: a Blue Screen of Death simulator. By default, the bsodsim program activates when the user hits the virtually unused SysRq key (this is customizable) causing the system to switch to a character cell console to display a ficticious Blue Screen. Red Hat hails the bsodsim program as the "boss key" for the Linux world. Read more...

What is this? Humorix shows the lighter side of Linux, the open source operating system everyone and their brother are talking about. Jokes about Slashdot, Microsoft, and Tux Penguin are thrown in for good measure. See the About page for details. The fake news articles that appear here have been written by James Baughn or various contributors. If you would like to contribute a funny article, send it in! Past Articles November 2009 - The GPL Is Not Y2K-Compliant! - People for the Ethical Treatment of Computers - Is Linux A Finnish Conspiracy? - Is Linux A Finnish Conspiracy? - Brief History Of Linux (Part 4 - Jargon Coiner - Bill Gates Passes Turing Test - Welcome To The Lawyerclysm - Clippit Charged With Attempted Murder - Tux Penguin Beanie Baby Sales Skyrocket - Boston Software Party - Beware: The Lawyerclsym Is Here - Open Source Irrational Constant - Linux Infiltrates Windows 2000 Demo - Microsoft Fights Linux -- By Contributing Kernel Patches - A Five-Day Waiting Period For Microsoft Software? Mailing List Join the Humorix Mailing List and receive the latest updates by mail. To subscribe, send a message to majordomo@mail.nl.linux.org with "subscribe humorix" in the body. Join the Vast Spy Network(tm) We don't let just anyone become an international Linux spy... we only let in people who pay US$14 for a Humorix T-shirt. Humorix Syndication Network(tm) The latest Humorix headlines are broadcasted to the my.userland.com and my.netscape.com portals, among others. You can also syndicate Humorix on your own website; see the About page for details. Slogans & One-liners Visit Humorix's collection of Linux and Microsoft slogans, one-liners, and quotes, such as I'm still waiting for the "Honk if you hate Microsoft" [bumper sticker], but that might get annoying, everyone honking at you. You can also download a fortune file containing these slogans along with a selection of condensed Humorix articles and brief Microsoft jokes. Humorix Button Netscape 4.x has a bunch of toolbar buttons that are rarely used. By hacking the .Xdefaults file, it's possible to transform the 'Home' or 'Shop' buttons into a convenient 'Humorix' button. Find out how. Other Humor A selection of humor on other sites: - Microsoft Pie - Loser Friendly - Microsoft Apps Ship With Trigger Locks - Linux Distros Surpass Users - You might be a Linux redneck if... - Slashdot Sigs - Microsoft's plans for penalties - NatesWinEmu Linux Webring Join the rapidly expanding Linux Webring or travel to: - the previous page - the next page - the index page - the statistics page - a random page Humorix Reruns The major TV networks don't seem to have a problem with broadcasting 50% repeated material, so we're taking advantage of this marketing scheme by showcasing some of our "classic" Humorix articles, including: Humorix: We're A Portal Too! Humorix isn't just a lame humor site, we're also a publicly traded company (Nasdaq: FAUX). Track our rise to power as we file for an IPO, unveil technology stolen from the future, deal with the Securities & Exchange Commission, undergo a wildly successful IPO, lose it all the next week, get sued by Microsoft, and, most recently, establish our own independent Pacific island nation. Linux Drinking Game A perfect excuse to drink mass quantities of alcohol, all in the name of Linux World Domination.